Did You?

Yesterday Kyle had to call you to ask some questions. What ensued, of course, was a fairly long conversation. You had missed Laura's 21st birthday because we were in Idaho. You sent her a Happy Birthday text. There wasn't much else you could do.

In the conversation with Kyle, you said you were not feeling well. You aren't able to keep food down. That sounds familiar. It's how your disease was first discovered. Is this your cancer metastasizing? Are you there alone? Did you know this was coming? Did you listen to me when I asked you who you thought was going to take care of you when you were ill? I asked you if your gambling buddies were going to give you your morphine shots and you said that wouldn't be necessary. You said it wouldn't come to that. But that was before the judge had you take your guns down to the police station. Did you think it would come to this? Did you think it wouldn't? Who knows, maybe you just have the flu.

I am sad you are ill and I am not part of your life anymore. I wanted to be there for you until the end. I had made a commitment to you and I was going to see it through. Even though you weren't a very good husband, I know you love me more than you've ever loved anyone else. I know you love Laura more than you can describe. So what is this? Did you know when you locked me out of the house and lied to the police about me that this would happen? What was your plan? Were you going to beat cancer and live forever?

Did you ever think this would happen? And more importantly, did you WANT this to happen?