Drive Over It with Your Car

Thursday evening you say you have come to a decision. We are getting a divorce and you are filing papers on Monday. You will be moving to the desert. You say you've always wanted to live in the desert. (Wait a minute! Aren't you the guy who breaks into a lather when the temperature hits 80?) You say you don't like the way I treat you???? I don't appreciate ALL you have done for me? I can't forgive you for ????? For what, the gambling? Not contributing to our family when you got your inheritance? Taking tens of thousands of dollars from our investment account behind my back? Losing over $200K on poker? And on that count, you're right. You have continued to engage in behaviors I cannot forgive. Try as I might, I can't. And I've tried. I thought the triple bypass and my help in nurturing you back to health had caused you to have an epiphany. I was wrong; it was only temporary. Leopards don't change their spots.

On Friday morning I called an attorney I had interviewed right before your triple bypass. I signed the papers and put his retainer on a credit card. Cut my losses. Cancer, triple bypasses, diabetes, bipolar disorder. Those alone are more than enough. I'm not signing on for gambling again. The fax machine at work wouldn't put the papers through. I didn't want anyone in the office to find out what I was faxing. What kind of woman divorces a man with pancreatic cancer? I missed the deadline for filing on Friday. Over the weekend I got our home fax to put the sheets through. Papers were filed on Monday. You ask me if I would accept service of divorce papers. I tell you not to worry; I'd already filed. Would you accept service? You thank me for saving you $350.

Tuesday morning you create some bogus spreadsheet of our assets and how much you would get in monthly spousal support. You come up with a total of $7333 a month. You must be out of your mind. You have me on the sheet as making both retirement and a salary at the same time. That's quite a trick! Did anyone ever tell you that you don't get retirement from a job before you quit working it? How can you get more money a month than I bring home? You lead a rich fantasy life. You want a spousal support agreement by June 1. Hold on there! June 1 is Tuesday. That won't be happening. And I am sooooo glad I have hired an attorney.

My life has become dark. I live under a big, thick, heavy, gray cloud. It weighs down on me, exhausting me. My eyes feel heavy. I want to go to sleep. Everything is such an effort. I go to work but the joy is gone. And I have the tantrumers. Only one is there but the homeless child sees the gap and wants to step in. Now he is acting up, being difficult, trying to capture my attention. I get it little guy. Your mom abandoned the family. Your dad is taking care of you and your two younger brothers. You were living in a van and now you live in a shelter. You hate women but you love them. You don't want to work but you want my attention. I have a husband like that. I know your story. But please give me a break. My life just crumbled. Please don't ask me to be the paragon of patience I have been. I don't want to be, but I will if you insist.