Sunday the 31st

The weekend has come and gone. Yesterday morning we took Stevie for a long walk. I spent a fair amount of time visiting with Dad. We went to lunch with S and L to celebrate L's birthday at an Italian restaurant in the Marina. We did our imitations of food vacuums eating too much of everything: bread, fried calamari, rice balls, potato balls, and polenta ---- and that was before the entrees arrived. We took a lot of them home but you had overdone it. It all disagreed with your digestive tract and you were very uncomfortable for the entire afternoon and evening. But we were able to take a nap. I hadn't been able to take a nap for months, and it felt good. I woke up at 4:15. We didn't eat dinner, just hung out and watched some TV. We rented a movie but haven't seen it yet. Every time you tried to eat, it went right through you.

You woke up with a tense belly but as the day wore on, you were able to feel a bit better. I got Dad up and out, dressed in navy blue and hair all parted in just the right place. He didn't use the powder when he shaved like he did three weeks ago. Thankfully. That time he got powder all over his navy blue. He's so particular about his color-coordination that I have to hold things up to the light by the window to make sure I'm putting his clothes together to his satisfaction. We have stopped staying afterwards since they have started having coffee hour outside on the sidewalk. We were home by 11:45 and the caregiver arrived by 12:20. You had cleaned up the big computer desk in the family room but most of the things had migrated only as far as the dining table. Oh, well! You were eating again and feeling well. We took a bike ride up the creek in the marina. It was cold but the rain is coming this week and we won't have many opportunities to ride after Monday.

You have been rereading Suzanne Somers's book, Knockout. There is information on doctors who are trying new and edgy to cure cancer. You are talking about going to Switzerland to some doctor who is doing new things with pancreatic cancer. This is uncomfortable for me. I don't want to buy any snake oil. I don't want to go running all over the world, spending money from we don't have, to go see some quack or some doctor whose studies haven't been replicated. I am so hesitant to put us in situations where our desperation to save your life makes us victims of swindlers. How much do you spend to buy three more weeks of life? How much do you spend if it will extend your life by two weeks? Is it worth $100,000? $50,000? What strange, awful thoughts this brings up! How do you put a price on a day, a week, a month, of life?

This is your week off chemo and you will be feeling better and better with each passing day. I told you you could choose where you'd like to go for a vacation. We have talked about New York, Santa Fe, and Palm Springs. Laura said they could get us a model apartment at Kyle's work if we wanted to spend the time in the desert. The decision is yours. I will go where you choose.