A Full-time Job Plus Overtime

Today I wanted to stay in my pajamas, well actually Beth's pajamas, all day. I didn't sleep enough last night and maybe I had just a tad too many wine coolers. As our family numbers have grown, the bedtime has gotten later and later. Since the stovepipe travels through our room with lots of 'extra space' around it on its way to the roof, we get lots of 'extra noise' with the heat. The fam was up until at least midnight. I had a bit of reflux and had trouble slowing myself down and into sleep. Although the sun was still obscured by clouds, the light woke me up right after sunrise. Well, the light and bad dreams. I dreamt that the couple who had visited us from church were not in love, were separating, she had a restraining order on him, and he was stalking her. Was that really a dream about my first marriage? The people at church had no idea that marriage was falling apart either.

My sisters were up and cooking breakfast. You had gotten up early, as usual. I felt you leave bed at about 6 a..m. I spent a lot of time reading my book today. I like it. I like it so much I don't know how to explain it to anyone, afraid that my words would simplify the enormity of its message, would distill it down to something simple and therefore misrepresent its message. I worry I won't be able to communicate the major, phenomenal points the author makes. So I say nothing instead. I would rather not share it than risk sharing it incorrectly. This has been my way on more than one occasion. I don't think it's good. I would like to practice articulating how I feel about this book. I think I will ask Trevor if he has a study group going on this book. I really, really want to discuss it with someone. And at best, I could share my favorites parts---but then I'd have to read it again to mark them. But I might end up marking most of the book.

After you took a nap we went to the little bakery about twenty minutes away, still out in the middle of nowhere. We shared a huge sandwich with meat, cheese, lettuce and tomato on homemade bread. As we were finishing you said, "I know that woman." A woman was about to come through the door but I didn't know her. I said, "I don't know her." She walked in and said, "Bill!" She had been the secretary at the law office where you used to work. She moved up to this area last year, left her husband, took the two kids. Weird in this boonie place. But nice. She invited us to meet with her tomorrow and drive up to a lot she has in Montana. I think we'll go. I hope the weather is okay.

Your rash is a little better and you are not suffering quite so much from diarrhea. And you haven't done as much sleeping today. As we rested you said another cancer patient had said, "Dealing with cancer is a fulltime job plus overtime". I said I was glad you are in a position where you can do that. I don't know how my principal or assistant superintendent took care of themselves and worked too. You have made new appointments with doctors, have been researching the chemo drugs you have been taking, talking to the people at the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, and looking at cancer and pharmaceutical websites. You are looking at building a list of criteria for whomever you will have as a new oncologist-----that is, if you decide to change oncologists. And I think you will.