Friday Again, Finally

Today was a stretch for me. I am feeling worn down and I suddenly realize my lack of exercise might be interfering with my ability to handle stress. I must get on the bike tomorrow morning before I do anything else. I won't wait for the caregiver; I will leave Dad sleeping while I go. I must do it for my sanity.

Work started with a meeting that wasn't really boring. It was long and way behind where my staff is. It was hard to listen to people who passionately felt they were teaching us something we didn't know but were actually talking about something we did over fifteen years ago, and it felt like they were talking down to us. The kids were the kids, and that's always interesting, always good for taking your mind off other things. The day started with a screaming tantrum that ripped the papers in my hand and upended my purse while a grandma left a little one who didn't want to be there. As it turns out, little one had her best day ever but it started rough. I held her gently while she did a face-on-the-floor scream-out. We had our final art class. It was a little sad because the art teachers have been with us for eighteen years. We are disbanding our own little home-grown program because we've been accepted by an established and comprehensive arts collaborative. I went to the hospital at 3:00.

You weren't quite as perky today. You had gone for a walk but had put on some underwear. Shortly after you started out, you realized that the elastic was going right across your incision. Bad choice for you, and you went back to your bed for an hour and a half of pain. Click click click. You were feeling better by the time I arrived but complained about back pain and the bed. You had me check the floor for another type of bed but I found none. The hospital must have bought the same bed across the board. They were going to get you some type of air mattress this evening. Your pigtail was leaking a bilious liquid onto the bed. The morphine drip had been removed and you were solely dependent on click click click. The intralipid IV kept beeping that there was some kind of flow error. And you are coming down with a cold. A runny nose with a nasogastric tube must be miserable. It was an annoying afternoon for you.

It is pancreatic cancer awareness month. I hit some websites and learned some things. As I had feared, it is the deadliest cancer, and 76% of all people diagnosed with it live less than one year. Remarkably, though, there is no screening exam for it. I would like to find a way to help raise awareness for developing and providing a universal screening test for pancreatic cancer. It's so lethal. There are no easily-identifiable early indicators and so, it isn't really discovered until it is very far along. And back pain is one of the not-so-easy-to-recognize symptoms. But we still don't have a solid diagnosis. Monday, at the latest, will be a very telling day.