How many days in the hospital now? Should I count? Today was different because you were tired. You had walked four times by 1:50 when I arrived. Your eyes were drooping, you were staring off into space, and you were so still. I sat with you for two and a half hours. Jeff and Larry came to see you with movies and a joke book, Rose Marie dropped by with magazines, and Pastor Keith visited. By 3:00 you were sleeping without wanting to. I stayed until almost 4:00 but I, too, was dropping off, so I went home to rest before returning in the evening with Laura.
We got back right after 8:00 p.m. You were still very, very sleepy. You NG tube was still pulling out boiled spinach, you were passing a little gas, and they were feeding you something through the J tube. Tomorrow the J tube comes out, the NG tube gets yanked, and they will see how your system moves the merchandise. I am a little worried about your sleepiness and your lack of energy. Are you only tired? Are you depressed? Do you feel completely defeated by this illness? Is this the ultimate lack of control for you? You who loves control so much. What worse news can there be than to hear that your life will be ending soon and everyone else's will go on?
Tomorrow should be D-Day (Diagnosis Day).
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