Sunday the 29th

I skipped church. I wanted to go to the evening service, an outstanding worship experience I rarely get to attend, and because Dad was in the hospital I would be able to get there today. He doesn't like the service, the music, the crowd, the casualness, and can't go anyway because it's in the basement level and there are several stairs.

I woke up at 4:00 a.m. That's the downside to getting rid of the flu: the return of insomnia. I spent the morning doing the final phases of my housecleaning. The counter tops are done, at least in the kitchen, and there is enough clean underwear to last the week.

We went to the mall to try to get a zip-up hoodie for you. They had been on sale for $10 on Saturday but today they were $24.50. You selected three items while I waited in line, then I paid for the items and you waited for me in the car. You had made a whey protein drink for lunch and it wasn't settling well. When we got home, you had your first emesis in weeks; that whey protein stuff just doesn't work for you. Everything else has stayed down, and you've taken some risks with eating, always pushing the limits, always wanting to see how far you can go. I once had a therapist say you are the kind of person who's always standing around stop signs, her words for people who test the limits. And she was completely right.

The beauty of today was the quiet. It was the first day in over a year when we were alone at home. Just the two of us. No Laura. No Dad. No Carmi. No one. The quiet was a remarkable sensation. It was so still, so peaceful, so restful. Last evening, as I sank into the quiet, I felt the need for Dad to be out of the house for a while. This quiet could be healing.

I visited Dad in the hospital. Again, my disappointment in that hospital mounted. The controls for his tv and the nurse call button don't work. I had to use the one from the other bed for him. I had thought they would leave the other bed empty because filling it would put Dad in a situation where he wouldn't have any control over the tv or any way to contact the nurses for help. I was wrong. When I arrived this afternoon, another patient had been moved in. Dad was finishing his course of IV antibiotics. He is pretty lucid now. I brought him mail and lots of catalogs to read. He hadn't had any visitors----or so he thought----but it turns out that Pastor Rick had gone by while he was asleep. I want to get ahold of the doctor before he finishes his rounds tomorrow morning. He has been on vacation, and I want to let him know that I think Dad should go to a skilled nursing facility before he comes home. He has balance and dizziness. This could give us the peace and quiet we need for a while.

When I returned from the hospital I was too tired to go back to town for the evening church service. I am sad but getting up at 4:00 a.m. makes 6:00 p.m. feel like bedtime.